I would like to introduce you to The Two Year Old.
Of course that is the common name for this species of human (yes, they are their own species)
The scientific name is 'messandloudnomachineites' pronounced 'mess-and-loud-no-machine-eites'
ADAPTATIONS:
These creatures are well adapted to live in their surrounds. In fact they believe they are the 'centre' of their surrounds and become 'distressed' if given evidence to the contrary... like, for example, if called upon to share. This is an unknown concept in the mind of a Two Year Old and will produce banshee like screeches of "Mine! Mine! Miiiiiiiine!"
Calls of "bath time" or "dinner time" when The Two Year Old is clearly not ready to be washed or fed will result in displays of thrashing and wailing accompanied by the wild call of "Nooooooo!"
A word they all speak very well.
"Please" and "Thank you" on the other hand...
However this is not entirely their own fault. This species has only developed a radar for 'Me' 'Mine' and 'All-About-Me'. It is up to The Parent Body to expand these horizons... and the expansion is not often welcomed.
Other unique adaptations to their environment include the ability to eat anything... paint, glue, dirt, the dog... Unless of course The Parent Body spent any sort of time preparing a meal. The more time spent, the less likely eating will occur. Yet somehow The Two Year Old manages to sustain enough sustenance to wake the living dead if a toy is taken from them, a sibling looks at them the wrong way, or someone is on the phone and not paying attention... to them. They have an untapped capacity for screaming and crying, which may or may not be off set by The Cute Factor and their irresistible giggles. Big eyes and dimples also help this species from being wiped out :)
HABITAT REQUIREMENTS:
They are easy to get along with... as long as your lipstick, the toilet roll, your computer, the TV remote and Big Brother's pens are not out of bounds. If these things are not made available on demand (or when The Parent's back is turned) then refer to thrashing and wailing mentioned above.
The Two Year Old doesn't ask for much. Just your time (preferably when you are busy) and attention (especially if you thought you get a nap in). And in return they provide... um... oh yes, that's right... sweet moments of cuddles and kisses and innocent "I love you" comments that can get you through an entire week of soiled pants and drawn on carpets. Well... maybe a couple of days then?
RESULTING DISCOVERIES:
Scientist have yet to discover what makes this cute, alluring species so darn contrary, and have not yet provided The Parent Body with hard and fast rules for successful Two Year Old cohabitation.
The Parent Body long since stopped looking for answers to the puzzling behavior... due to the fact that they are now in search of their sanity... or the toilet roll... which ever... probably both.
Many households that have produced The Two Year Old are wondering one of three things; Why is the dog cowering under the chair? What happened to my free time? and How do I mold this Two Year Old into something resembling an 'Adult-I-can-Stand-to-Be-Around?
Scientist merely scratch their head and leave the answering of such profound questions up to the Child Experts... you know the ones? The people with no children.
PARENT BODY
Parents of The Two Year old are easy to spot. They are the grey haired, slightly balding, saggy eyed people sitting in the corner shaking, rocking back and forth and repeating the phrase, "What do I do?" "What do I do?"
Siblings of the Two Year Old are also easy to identify. They have nailed their possessions to the wall and resorted to cowering under the chair with the dog for some peace and quiet.
Of course the most attractive feature of The Two Year old is that they cannot possibly stay two forever... sorry, no... it is their ability to love freely, with open pudgy arms and a smoochy sticky kiss.
WARNING:
Beware: Once in your heart, forever in your heart.
Love wisely and fully.
Love freely. (Add your pudgy arms and sticky kiss at own discretion)
And lastly remember, The Two Year Old is always sweet... when asleep. :)
The sun will rise tomorrow... on another day of trial and error in the Land of Two Year Old.
In the words of Star Wars... may the force be with you.
~
[Can you tell I am wondering where my own sanity went? ... and I haven't seen our dog in a while.]
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